singing from rooftops!
i am beaming happily.
last night two friends and i went out for dinner. and in the parking lot, one of the attendants looked remarkably like the guy who abused me when i was 15. i saw him, got ready to fight.... and realised it wasnt that dude after all and walked away. we had a perfectly pleasant dinner, chatted and joked. slow reactions as ever, but for the last two hours its been hitting me in waves of happiness that i was able to do that :-)
my god, it feels so stunning to be so unconcerned about him! it was a big jolt actually - i hadnt seen anyone who looked like him in years. and then plonk! this specimen landed before me : and-i-wasnt--sick! yipee! (excuse me while i prance around my room :D)
sure, there will probably be lots more work to do, probably many more lousy patches when i all want to do is drop dead, but oh wow. these bonuses keep me going through those! im so thrilled that too, that i managed to feel furious seeing him. much wonderfulness! tis quite different person from the totally non-confrontational being i used to be...
last year's revelation was being able to be completely expressionless and in control when some dumbasses were joking about csa. two months earlier i wouldve flown at their throats but by then - it was cool. none of the dumb, crude, insensitive jokes brought me down.
and this years is even better! :-) why am i telling you all this? hell - i just feel like yelling from rooftops that im ok. that im so happy!
indeed, i rise, i rise, i rise. oh yes. its a very bearable lightness of being, mr kundera!
last night two friends and i went out for dinner. and in the parking lot, one of the attendants looked remarkably like the guy who abused me when i was 15. i saw him, got ready to fight.... and realised it wasnt that dude after all and walked away. we had a perfectly pleasant dinner, chatted and joked. slow reactions as ever, but for the last two hours its been hitting me in waves of happiness that i was able to do that :-)
my god, it feels so stunning to be so unconcerned about him! it was a big jolt actually - i hadnt seen anyone who looked like him in years. and then plonk! this specimen landed before me : and-i-wasnt--sick! yipee! (excuse me while i prance around my room :D)
sure, there will probably be lots more work to do, probably many more lousy patches when i all want to do is drop dead, but oh wow. these bonuses keep me going through those! im so thrilled that too, that i managed to feel furious seeing him. much wonderfulness! tis quite different person from the totally non-confrontational being i used to be...
last year's revelation was being able to be completely expressionless and in control when some dumbasses were joking about csa. two months earlier i wouldve flown at their throats but by then - it was cool. none of the dumb, crude, insensitive jokes brought me down.
and this years is even better! :-) why am i telling you all this? hell - i just feel like yelling from rooftops that im ok. that im so happy!
indeed, i rise, i rise, i rise. oh yes. its a very bearable lightness of being, mr kundera!
Labels: my life
scribbled by m. at 9:15 am
9 Comments:
atta girl!
-misha
*hug* thankoo! :)
lol. the dope :)
Nice blog, someone feeling proudof being brown, like me:) koo
jake: whatever
vijay: thanks : )indeed yes, being brown is something that makes me extremely happy!
here....you orchid-loving bad compliment giver
s. : checked and here-ed loud and clear! :D will tell you when were ready. or nearing it!
Oh I love it....the poem and the spirit of this post! Welcome to the land of the living...there's loads of room here and not enough people to occupy it.
ideasmith: lol, thanks! and yup, maya angelou's is totally burst-of-sunshine stuff. will send you another lovely poem by her :)
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